Death

These sleeping pills won’t look at me the same way it did. I hesitate. 

The night has long grown but I am not sure why I bothered to stay awake this long. My chest aches. My head hurts. I am sure that everybody knows what happened to someone who convinced themself that they do not need any sleep. Even crying is bothersome, it's just numb. I can't feel anything.

Piles of memories I have to pick up in order to stay sane has no traces anymore. The only rope that I can hang on is nowhere in my universe. The pictures of him has completely shattered with no chance of recollection. I have to crawl because my eyes refuse to see the reality that I need to face. 

He is gone. Leaving trails of cinematic scenes of our past in no order. Blurry. Faded. Are the memories leaving me too, like he did?

I feel hungry and I abandon my need to sleep. My body rebels by withholding any strength that I previously own. But nothing matters anymore. I had hope, and it's nowhere to be felt now. 

The path we didn’t even walk appears suddenly in my mind. It is as if it was regretting our inability to hold hands together, tracing the sidewalk in sincere smiles on each of our face. Those anniversaries we couldn’t do. Dinners that we couldn’t make. The nights we couldn’t spend together anymore… 

It’s hollow inside. My future is completely blank. I try to walk but I am to dizzy to even stand up. As my body lay stiff in the couch I hardly remember how many pills I have taken.

It must have been a lot.